TRUST and whatever else

I hope you're not in a rush because this is going to be a long one. If you are, please visit my site when you really have time to sit, read and think. I want to hear from you so please leave your comments after you read. Ya'll knew I would eventually touch on this. I have to take a few steps back in order for you to understand what's going on now.

In 2006, I started dating this guy that I was "with" for about three years. At the third year, we continued to talk but it wasn't like it was prior to that. I was sooo in love with him. No one could've ever told me he wasn't going to be my husband. Someone should've continued to tell me that he wasn't going to be my husband because he always put so many other women before me. And I mean really, what would you expect a man to do when you allow him to do all those things to you. Note to Women: Men will do unto you whatever you allow them to do so know your worth and don't settle for anything less than you deserve. I finally cut all ties with him a few days ago. Okay, so we never made it official that we were a couple and I loved him so much. I knew he loved me too but his love came a few years after mine. I have never been jealous of anyone. Why?
Because my grandmother provided for me like no other and I never had to want for anything. *Thank you Grandma for EVERYTHING, I appreciate it all. I love you.* When I started dating this guy, he made me feel insecure. Anyone that knows me, knows that I give credit where credit is due but the women who he placed me on the back burner for, never had anything on me. From education to looks, it was nothing. It was obviously their personality that he fell for because anything else just wasn't there. On another note, I came to the realization that he wanted someone who he knew would have to depend on him and I'm. Not. That. Woman. I'm not the woman to have to depend on anyone. I do all I can to provide for me and my daughter. Being in a non-monogamous relationship for four years (Yes, four; not three) really touched my life; good and bad. Good because I realized my strength as a woman that I never knew I had. It also taught me my self worth and how to handle a situation without getting out of character. Many times, he should've had some tires slit, as Jazmine Sullivan says, "Bust your Windows," and any thing else those ghetto girls like to do. No offense to the ghetto girls because men do some things to you that will really have you stepping out of character. That also plays back to that four letter word; L-O-V-E. Love makes us do things that we couldn't see ourselves doing any other day. The bad part of it is that I have so much hatred in my heart for this guy because I didn't deserve to be treated the way he treated me. As a Christian, I know I need to truly forgive him and move on. Rev Run states, "Holding on to a grudge is like holding on to a hot coal trying to throw it at someone. You're the one who's getting burned." Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy but commitment is not for him. He has a girlfriend now who he still cheats on. I'm gonna pray for him and I'm gonna forgive him and I'm gonna ask God to forgive me for feeling the way I feel about him. I know ya'll saying how can you have loved him and had so much hatred for him. Remember, Rihanna said it, "Hate that I love you." So you know it's possible. I know some women are reading this saying hmmm hmmm, I been there. We all have been there and if we haven't, we all will get our turn. Look at it as an experience and stepping stone to get where God is trying to take you. Don't fret, don't complain, just get through it! I've gotten through it and I never thought I would. Okay, now...on to the next. No more time and typing being wasted on that. I'm moving forward and also looking in my rearview so I know I'm not going back that way and forward is the better direction. All things that come to past are in the past for a reason.

I find it rather easy to leave an unhealthy relationship to be in a healthy one. This is gonna be a shock to some people but here it goes...Now I'm in a relationship with a new guy. Yes, to those that inquired and I said no. I'm sorry I wasn't truthful in the beginning but yes I'm in this relationship with this guy that I really like. As a result of my previous relationship, I'm always questioning myself about if he's being honest when I ask things or being honest about what he's doing or who he's doing it with. What I will say is that I believe I should trust him until he proves otherwise. No man should be punished for what someone else has done to you. Something really pissed me off tonight that I will not disclose here but when I told one of my friends about it, she said before you act on the situation, pray and ask God to lead you and help you make the right decision. I was so mad, I really didn't wanna hear that. Have you ever been so mad, you didn't wanna pray? I've been that way before. Truthfully, I've been that way several times. I haven't prayed since the situation occured but I will be praying as soon as I'm done blogging. God has the answer to all our prayers but we must LISTEN (read that blog; listening when he speaks)

Trust is so hard to gain yet so easy to lose. *I'm speaking to myself too* I think one should be honest at all times regardless of the outcome. When you tell a lie, you have to tell another and another and another just to continue covering up for the first lie when you wouldn't have to do that if you just tell the truth in the beginning. One of my friends says I like reading your blog because you keep it real and you speak from the heart and that's the way a blog should be. She went on to say that she would like to do a blog but she wouldn't be as open and truthful as I am. I figure there's nothing to hide and who knows, I put it all out there just in case Oprah stumbles across my blog as she's searching the web for something else. :-) I told yall I'm trying to sit on her couch before she retires. We'll see how that goes. You can do anything you put your mind to.

GO FOR IT!!! Ready. Set. Go.