Soon and very soon I'll be where I want to be in life. I'll be able to stop robbing Peter to pay Paul. I'm overdrawing one bank account to cover personal expenses in another account. I'm diligently working to secure clients for CPD in order to expand my business, clients write bad checks, checks that I depend on to support my family. People on the outside looking in think I got it all together. Well, I don't have it all together. I'm human. I fall down too. I'm down now, not for long though. Wanna read more? I know you do. Click the button below.
I go to sleep late at night every night tying up loose ends for the day. Someone said to me, "You're always working but you don't have any or enough money coming in so what are you working on?" Ummm....that was an insult. When you plant a flower, you continue to water it and give it sunlight daily but do you see the growth right away? NO! The roots have to be grounded first then the plant will start to grow from the ground up. Sooo...right now, I'm watering "my plant" and giving it sunlight. That's Tunnel Vision. I see the end of the tunnel but I can't clearly see where I'm going to make it to the end of the tunnel. I have more than the faith of a mustard seed. I"m continuing to trust in the Lord through what appears to be a tough situation. The Lord gave me a message and I'm running with that. Because he gave me this message, I know he's going to and he already is providing me with the tools I need to make it through. This blog post isn't meant to make you feel sorry for me because I don't feel sorry for me. Every entrepreneur has had hard times to get where they dream to be. I'm dreaming with my eyes open. It's the sacrifice you make and how much of a sacrifice you really want to make. Tyler Perry was homeless but I know he's singing Chris Brown's "Look At Me Now." I know I'm at a point in my life where I've been taken back to the bottom of the ladder where I thought I was in the middle, closer to the top. For whatever reason God took me back down, he knows what's best for me and I'm sure he did it for a darn good reason. I'm trying my very best to not complain because ALL things happen for a reason. I've started to appreciate the simple things in life. Simple things in life that I never gave much thought.
I'm trying not to complain that I have two overdrawn bank accounts, one bank account that has went to collections for a negative balance, another with about three dollars, another with about four dollars and one with about ten dollars. A condo in pre foreclosure status. A carnote that's two months past due. Some people will always paint a picture as though they're doing wonderful but what's the reason for frontin'? If you're down, you're down and if you're up, you're up. That's how I see it. So yeah, I'm an open book with nothing to hide. If I can always motivate you to not give up on your dreams and how good of a day I'm having, isn't it only natural of a human being to have some bad days/weeks/months too? Do you mind me sharing my rainy days? Every day isn't sunshine for me. I'm striving to be a role model in the community, create employment opportunities for others, assist in making Palm Beach County a better place to stay so I KNOW God ain't gon' leave me out to dry. I have positive things going on. I'm being obedient, I'm praying, I'm attending church services, most importantly, I'm paying my tithes. My family support me in so many ways but give me the side eye all the time about getting a job. In order for them to leave me alone about getting a job, I go ahead and apply for tons and tons of jobs #truestory and guess what?! No one calls me back. I have a Master's Degree with more experience than a lil' bit so why can't I get a job? The Therapist job I spoke about on Facebook a few weeks ago fell through so I'm no longer going to be doing that.
God told me as long as I'm obedient and trust in him, he will give me everything my heart desires and my heart desires to serve the community as a Social Worker, Makeva Harold Foundation be a successful non-profit organization, be able to provide employment to those in need, Creative Party Designing to be an event planning company to the stars. I don't wanna get super excited when I do an event for celebrities as I have in the past. I wanna get so many calls from their Managers or Assistants, it becomes the norm to me. I attended BET Music Awards in 2009; floor seats, eighth row from the front, I interned at BET Spring Bling in 2008. I've coordinated events in Miami where Neyo attended, Solange attended. I've coordinated an event in Atlanta where Nene from Atlanta Housewives was the host. I worked closely with Kanye's former personal assistant and current A&R for G.O.O.D. Music. I was so excited about all those events and I thank God for those experiences. It shall come to pass where I will no longer have to decline attending a $25 networking event because I can't afford it, I can stop asking my grandma to pay Ceniya's school tuition, I can stop sitting in different places in my house just so I can "steal" someone's wi-fi connection to get some work done for Makeva Harold Foundation and Creative Party Designing, I can stop putting enough gas in my car just to turn the gas light off, I can stop taking clients' bull crap for a couple of dollars when I know I'm good at what I do and they should be paying three times more than what I'm charging.You won't just happen to see/hear Creative Party Designing doing this and doing that, it's gonna be the norm for you too. I gotta get my family out of the hood. It's too much killing, robbing and gang violence going on. My hometown is getting worse as time goes on. :-(
I understand that God brings situations to us to strengthen us and lift us up. I'm thankful, I just want it to be over. That's why I always say, "This ain't easy. I just make it look this way." I have to stay motivated, I have two beautiful children depending on me. I have a husband to be that looks to me for motivation as well and I love him to death. He's very supportive. Growing up as a kid, I always wanted to have this dream wedding with my Prince Charming. Now being more mature and of course, not being able to afford the "dream wedding," I'm appreciative of my Prince Charming but it's more about the marriage than the wedding. To make myself feel better about not having my dream wedding, I continue to say, "the wedding is for the people that come to spectate, eat your food and won't even buy you a gift. We'll spend all this money for the people." Anyway, I still want what I want but hey, it's more important to me that our marriage will last "til death do us part." I'm only planning to do this one time. Sorry guys! This lucky guy stepped up to the plate. He saw what you didn't see and decided to take her off the market. :)
Okay, enough about me in one post. I'll see you guys at the top. I'll have some scrapes, some bruises, one shoe on and one shoe off but believe it...I'm going to get there and I'm going to look back at these days to remember to remain faithful and humble to my Lord Jesus Christ for getting me through these trying times. So yeah, I know I'm a strong woman. Anyone else dealing with what I'm dealing with and afraid or ashamed to speak on it, keep ya head up and stay strong. If I can do it, you can do it. I'll pray for you all because I know you're out there somewhere. Love y'all and thanks for always reading, thank you for your continued support in all that I do.
